Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sext me about skeletons
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
