all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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