If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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