Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
