on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I believe in your delicious
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
