When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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