I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
