i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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