Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My life is pants optional.
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