i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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