A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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