I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
