I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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