i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
