dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
