Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
