Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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