u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
