...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
