I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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