Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
