I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
