im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
