my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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