So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
