i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
