areolas are like halos for boobs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
