Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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