I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
