I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
