My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
