dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize