Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
