Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
