It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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