When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
