I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
