i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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