You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
