U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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