i don't plan on having that self control this summer
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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