thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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