apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
