My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
