Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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