also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
