So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
God I need to hump something, right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
