He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
