that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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