Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
