Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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