never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
