Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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