): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have post one night stand depression
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