Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
