im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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