I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
