I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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