there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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