okay pat passed out under dana's car
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
