I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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