saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
