Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
