if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize