I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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