I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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