your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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