the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
