bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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