After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
