i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
