OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
