its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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