The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
