i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
