remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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