Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
