Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
