I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
