Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
