I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
