DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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