Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A bitchslap is in order.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
