so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize