Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
