I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
