I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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