Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
