ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
