after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize