Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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