I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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