Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
