As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
