kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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