Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
