She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
