i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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