9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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