Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
