Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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