fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
