I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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