I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
